I definitely thought I’d be more emotional. The hardest part was leaving her while she was crying, but sighing a great sigh and meeting up with our parent friends (who also have kiddos in Issa’s class) made things much easier. I’ve learned something about myself over the last year and half of being a mom, I’m a much better, more patient, loving and compassionate mom, when I can work.
It’s hard not to feel guilt for this, like I should desire to be around my child 24/7 to cater to her to be mom all the time. And I am, mom all the time, but there is something about expressing myself creatively through my work, editing a shoot, designing an ad or logo, or going over paper samples with a client for custom wedding invitations, that makes me a better mom and makes the experience as a whole all the more amazing.
I’m doing it for myself, for my own gratification, for the satisfaction of my clients and for her. After I complete a few hours of work I’m excited to see her. I was so thrilled to pick her up today and incredibly disappointed when she hadn’t napped and fell right asleep in the car on the way home instead of playing with me. I suppose some women go for a massage, or a pedicure or what have you to recharge (and don’t get me wrong, I love ALL of those things) but working recharges me, it fires me up and accomplishing things makes me ready to be mom.
I suppose I might be emotional later, probably when I least expect it. Because my baby girl is growing up and becoming her own person but as sad as it is to say goodbye to the baby version of her I am SO excited to see who she is becoming.